Friday, February 10, 2012

To my Momma,

This February 11th makes four years since we lost you to kidney cancer, and not a day goes by that I don't think about the last time I saw you. You had just come home from your first week of treatment at Baptist and we were in North Carolina for the funeral of Jamie's cousin. I remember you hurting so bad because of the tumors that I couldn't even really hug you. I remember standing in your kitchen with Courtney trying to find something that you could eat. I remember thinking as I hugged you goodbye that this would probably be the last time I would see you. I didn't want to leave you.  If I had the chance I would have turned the car around and stayed forever, told you things that I should have before it was too late.  I hope you knew how much I loved you then and still love you now. I never told you what a great impact you had on my life, but I didn’t fully come to this realization until after you were gone. I hope somehow you know how you are helping me to become the person I want to be. You were my hero, and you meant the world to me, you still do..

I would give anything to physically have you back, even though I know you are with me everyday, I still miss you. I miss our daily talks. I miss hearing the sound of your voice. I miss sharing my life with you. But I'm not the only one that misses you, we all do. Jacob is quick to tell his story about his Grammy Trish and playing in the snow at your house. We look at your pictures and Greyson will say that's my Grammy Trish in Heaven.  Leanna and Courben never got the chance to know you, but they will through us. 

If I had the chance to tell you I would say Thank You;
Thank you for always loving me in spite of myself. No mistake was ever so bad that you did not absorb it under the umbrella of a Mother's love. Thank you for all the years of laughter, and fun. Life was not always easy for you, but you made it the best you could for us kids. Thank you for the numerous sacrifices you made. We never did without a need, and that was a testament to your drive. Thank you for bringing me into this world and protecting me both from the world and myself. Thank you for my generous spirit. I learned that from you. Thank you for putting your kids first above all others. Thank you for my belief in God, and knowing Jesus as the salvation of my life.Thank you for accepting me as a flawed human being, and loving me anyway.
Most of all, I thank you for the role model you were for me. I hope to be half the person you were in your lifetime.
Your time as my mother, as a sister, as a daughter, and as a friend will never be forgotten. And although I am not ready to leave this Earth, I am looking forward to being reunited with you again one day.
I will love you always.

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